Changes

I don't even know where to start with how I feel. I officially finish college today. My last day of class was last week, but my final assignment is due today and I am officially no longer an intern. I graduate next week. Although my childhood has slowly been disappearing for the past few years, as of today, I am no longer a kid. My adolescence is over.

Now, my job in life is to find a job. Goodbye are the days of sleeping in, going to class for a couple of hours, and dollar beer night. My life is going to consist of waking up every day for work, coming home, having dinner, seeing my boyfriend, seeing friends if I'm lucky, and going to bed. Then the next day, I start it all over again. I have a deep, irrational fear that my life is going to become a monotonous routine and it scares the absolute shit out of me.

I'm so worried I'm going to be unhappy. I know I won't be, but here lately I've had this overwhelming fear that I am going to be. What if I suck at my job? What if I have a hard time making new friends because everyone else is moving away? What if I have no time after work to do me stuff? I'm so worried I won't know how to find balance between work and me time.

Buttttt.. before I get all worked up about work, I've gotta find a job first. Which brings me to my next point... SOMEONE HIREEEEE ME. This job hunt has been so frustrating. I know I can't really be super picky with my first job out of college, but damn. I've applied everywhere. Someone. Anyoneeeee.

In other, non-dramatic, more optimistic news...

I'm super excited about my family coming to Austin next week. I love this city so much and am so excited to share it with the people I love most. My fam is a little on the redneck side and well.. there aren't many rednecks here in Austin, so I'm not sure how the public (i.e. my friends and other bystanders) will take them. I'm imagining a horrible scene at El Arroyo on dollar marg night (where I plan on taking my brother and his girlfriend) where my brother gets wasted and no one can understand what he says due to his accent and we get kicked out for being rowdy. It's a beautiful image. This will also be the first time my boyfriend meets the family, so that should be interesting. Fingers crossed he won't be scared off by them.

Also, I'm going to Houston this weekend to see my mama for Mother's Day. I'm super excited. I love that woman. She's been so great to me during these rough times. She loves to listen to me bitch on the phone--it's her fave. And.. she's searching harder than I am for a job for me. She's awesome. I'm so grateful for her.

Speaking of people being awesome.. big shout out to my boyfriend, Graham. I love ya sug. Thanks for putting up with all the emotions and tears lately. I know it's not easy. Thanks for loving me so much.