Monday, January 13, 2014

A Day In The Life

A day in the life of….

I’ve read several blogs lately that do the whole “day in the life of” thing. I’m always highly entertained by them because their lives always seem to be so much more fascinating than mine. But hell, maybe my life is significantly more fascinating than yours (doubtful), so I thought I’d give it a go.

6:00am—Upstairs neighbor wakes me up with his daily loogie hawking.

6:15—It ends and I fall back asleep.

7:30—Alarm starts blaring that annoying ass jingle.

7:32—Browse Instagram to see what juicy pictures people have posted overnight and to see if my boyfriend’s exgirlfriend has creepily liked more of my pictures because she’s been doing that and it’s sorta making me think she’s a psycho that’s going to murder me.

7:40—Realize I need to get up and do my hair. Switch over to Facebook to see stupid crap even juicier drama.

8:00—Get out of bed and examine the damage my hair did overnight. Start straightening it.

8:15—Shit, I better hurry up. Need to leave in 15 minutes. Oh my god why is my face so dry?

8:20—Rush to put on makeup and get dressed.

8:35—Wait is it freezing or not freezing out? Better change clothes.

8:40—I’m finally on the road.

8:55—I hate all of you on the road. Quit driving so damn slow and get me to work. Did I mention I hate you?

9:04—Stroll into the office and complain about the traffic to my officemate that clearly doesn’t give a shit.

9:15—Check emails, work on a few daily reports, wish I had something delicious, like a breakfast taco, for breakfast. My morning routine.

10:30—Time for a meeting. We’re kicking ass with this client? Awesome. Short and sweet meetings, just like I like em.
11:00—More work. Boo.

11:15—Officemate shows me pictures of his newborn. So cute. I need one. No I don’t.

11:45—I need lunch and I need it now. Off to Whole Foods.

11:50—I’m going to kill someone. I’ve circled this stupid parking lot 45 times and for some reason no one is leaving Whole Foods.

11:52—Snag a spot, but almost ran over a woman not wearing a bra in the process. Whatever. That’ll teach her to go braless at the grocery store. This ain’t Walmart.

12:15—Back at the office. Peruse blogs. Drink my daily Coke. This is the liffffffe.

1:00—Back to business. Oh this project is urgent and needs to be done by EOD today and it’s going to take me several hours? Perfect. I love a good challenge and at least a day’s notice on stuff like this, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there.

3:00—Play a little dart-ball with my officemate. Kind of like darts but you throw a ball at a target, and well, you get it.

4:00—Holy shit, one hour till I get to leave.

5:00—Do I need glasses? Why do my eyeballs burn?

5:05—Stand up to leave. Remember I forgot to do something. Sit back down.

5:15—Headed out. See ya later suckers! On this particular day, I almost fell down the stairs because I was texting and walking and stairs should never be involved in that situation. My ankle really hurts.

5:20—Call my mom. Immediately get jealous of the dinner she’s cooking. Why was I not more grateful for essentially a personal chef when I was living at home in high school?

5:30—Get to Graham’s house. Greet this handsome guy. Take him for a walk. Get yelled at by a senior citizen for not cleaning up his poop. He shit in bushes and I’m certainly not going to dig through all the leaves to pick it up.

6:00—Graham’s finally home. I’m annoyed that he wants to work out and not watch TV with me. See, this is tough. I love his hot bod but also love him hanging out with me. I don’t want to pick just one!

7:00—I’m freaking starving why is Graham not back yet.

7:05—For the love of God, I’m going to die.

8:30—Finally eating. I’m hangry. Very hangry. I stab Graham with a fork. Not actually, but I probably could.

8:45—Watch New Girl. Why is Schmidt so hilarious?

9:30—I pluck Graham’s unibrow. What a sign of true love.

10:00—Driving home. Oh hell yes, Kendrick Lamar is on the radio? Time to scream/rap the lyrics.

10:30—Play a quick crossword puzzle because I’m 80 and immediately fall asleep.

And there ya have it. Pretty much my average day. I have good days. They may not be action packed, but they make me happy and that's all that really matters, right?


  1. HAHAHA. I love this. I died laughing immediately when I read about your loogie hawking neighbor. And braless at Whole Foods = hippie. For real.


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