Thursday, April 3, 2014

That Time I Had A Phone Sex Operator Roommate

I've shared this story with just about every single person I come in contact with... mostly for the simple fact that it's fucking hilarious. And naturally I would have a roommate like this because I have excellent luck.

Let me give you a little background to this story. Apartments near UT in Austin are extremely competitive. Like you have to sign a lease in January to move in in August. Ridiculous. Anywho, my two best friends and my old roommate from freshman year moved into an apartment our junior year. Things were going great. We loved living together and life was fun. Until that said roommate from freshman year decided she was going to move in with her sister for senior year. Luckily she told us this about 2 months before our lease ended, giving us ample time to find a roommate.

Not.

So our apartment complex was kind enough to give us a random roommate that totally matched our "personality profiles". What they offered to us was an 18 year old girl that had 0 common interests as us. We plead with the apartment complex to give us someone different, but they wouldn't. We were 22 and she was 3 years younger than us. That might as well have been a 10 year age difference because you mature A LOT in those three years.


Anywho, we were pretty apprehensive about this chick moving in, especially because three of us were best friends and another person would really harsh that. And boy were we right... The first month started out fine. We were friendly with her, but it was painfully obvious that we had completely different lifestyles and would not become the best of friends, which was fine. I'd rather have that than some crazy person all up in my business.

Things were going fine until one night I came home early from a concert. It was still pretty late, so I tried to be quiet. "Shirley" and I lived on one side of the apartment and a wall. Apartments in our area were made really shittily (sp?) and the walls were paper thin. I could tell she was awake and watching a movie. Or so I thought.

Until I heard sex noises. Figured it was the movie she was watching. Until I realized it was starting to sound more like a porno. And then I realized it was "Shirley's" voice. This girl was not what I would call a social butterfly, so I highly doubted someone was in the room with her.

She was on the phone.

I about died right then and there. I immediately texted my friends, but no one believed me.

And then it started happening again. Regularly. Like every Monday and Wednesday night at the same time. Always on the phone. And we figured out it was never the same person because she would be extremely descriptive with their looks and age. And obviously my roommates and I stood outside of her door and listened and giggled because we're 14 year old boys.

And then it started getting worse. Like this girl had no discretion. She had to realize we could hear her! And she would do it when other people were over too! My mom heard it, my boyfriend heard it, two of our other friends heard it.


I was obviously way too embarrassed to ask her about it, so I avoided her. Never made eye contact. And when we all moved out, we did not make plans to keep in touch.

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